{Of all lies, art is the least untrue - Flaubert}

Monday, August 29, 2005


Its long time that her affair has come to a logical end. Time heals most of the wounds, mental, physical, metaphysical. Now she feels a tickling feeling all over the body, full of nostalgia, full of childlike titillation. Has it ended, or just buried, what will happen if she meets him again, near a shopping mall, while buying those red flowers for gift to some unknown acquaintance. Nothing will happen, nothing should happen, mind is now occupied with all types of worldly worries, all types of domestic desires, all the layers of happiness, all the air of busyness. Yet at night, one or twice in a blue moon, she adores her affair like a scented secret. It all looked pleasant, all looked so very childish. Never will she be able to feel the anger in such a raw form, everything is ordinary, subdued, life is slow and sweet, a life of stagnation can give rest and this rest may be seen as pleasure, pleasure of simplification of life.

That day when it was a relatively bad weather, she was crossing the road, she realized that she just wanted to run, run as hard as she could, but she just stopped and laughed at the stupidity of the thought, madness of yesteryears was good to laugh at and giggle to, but not worth practicing. Her one hand is full of packets of newly bought clothes, and the other with a light colored purse that helped buy them. She was thoroughly occupied with stuff, which may look mundane, but that is necessary to live. There were times when she wanted to weep like the wind that brings rain with itself, it all calmed down now.

Later at night, one of those blue moons appeared, she thought of those days, they looked so distant, and therefore so sweet, she thought to her, how all the bitterness is gone, how she has hold herself upright in those days of pain and agony, it just looked like the reminiscence of some previous life or a dream she was once part of, where she was given a bitter part, but that's all she could have done. She opened a book near the table lamp and tried to close her eyes, she saw his youthful face with anger and love mixed together, she cannot figure out what this all mean to her now. She switched off the lamp and later put it on. That night she slept with lights on.


sadvidwan said...

Why do you think that one should forget the girl? These are such good sweet incidences that we encounter in our life. It could not be all that good and desirable when we are passing through this phase but at the same time do not forget that its these experiences which will help us live in the later stages of ones life. So wish that the your girl has grown up and progressed in life so that she relishes this experience and lives to love the time together instead of crying for the lost lover and the failed love affair.
Did some one say that one can have only one love affair in ones life?

anurag said...

Thanks for the comment.

I totally agree that nothing needs to be forgotten, everything remains with us.

I am not saying that one should forget the love, its to say that even though we feel every thing dies down but they never vanish completely, for good, I think!

If you find some time read Love-1, Love-2, Love-3 also.